


The Benders (SEASON ONE, EPISODE FIFTEEN)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [16]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s01e15 The Benders, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean searches fo' Sam when he is kidnapped by a funky-ass backwoodz crew whoz ass likes ta hunt humans n' use they body parts as trophies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

Hibbing, Minnesota fo' realz. A lil' pimp is watchin TV up in his bedroom yo. Dude hears a noise outside n' looks up tha window fo' realz. A playa is struttin up in a parkin lot wit two bagz of garbage up in his hands. Da playa throws tha bags tha fuck into a thugged-out dumpsta n' starts struttin back ta his hoopty yo. Dude hears tha same ol' dirty screechin noise n' stops yo. Dude gets down on his knees n' looks under tha hoopty yo. Dude sees suttin' dat horrifies him, although tha crew do not peep it, n' standz up doggystyle fo' realz. An invisible force pulls his ass back ta tha ground, on his stomach yo. Dude is dragged under tha car, screaming, until he is gone. Da pimp looks frightened n' shuts tha curtains.


	2. ACT ONE

FADE TO: Livin Room. Day. DEAN n' SAM is dressed as sheriffs. They is poppin' off ta tha pimp n' his crazy-ass mother.

 **MRS. MCKAY  
** I know you’re just bustin yo' thang yo, but tha five-o done been here all week already. I don’t peep why we gotta go all up in dis again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da mo' tha pimpin' muthafucka drops some lyrics ta tha story, tha mo' his thugged-out lil' punk-ass believes it’s true.

 **SAM  
** Mrs. McKay, we know you was rappin wit tha local authorities.

 **DEAN  
** But, uh, dis seems like a matta fo' tha state police, so….

 **SAM  
** Don’t worry bout how tha fuck wild-ass it sounds, Evan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass just tell our asses what tha fuck you saw.

 **EVAN  
** I was up late, watchin TV. When I heard dis weird noise.

 **SAM  
** What done did it sound like?

 **EVAN  
** It sounded like….a monsta n' shit.

DEAN n' SAM exchange a look.

 **MRS. MCKAY  
** Tell tha fools what tha fuck you was watchin on TV.

 **EVAN  
** Godzilla Vs. Mothra.

DEAN smiles.

 **DEAN  
** (excitedly) That’s mah straight-up Godzilla porno. It’s so much betta than tha original, huh?

 **EVAN  
** Totally.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. (Dude nodz towardz SAM.) Dude likes tha remake.

 **EVAN  
** Yuck!

SAM glares at DEAN n' clears his cold-ass throat. DEAN stops.

 **SAM  
** Evan, did you peep what tha fuck dis thang was?

 **EVAN  
** No. But I saw it grab Mista Muthafuckin Jenkins. Well shiiiit, it pulled his ass underneath tha car.

 **SAM  
** Then what?

 **EVAN  
** It took his ass away. I heard tha monsta leaving. Well shiiiit, it made dis straight-up freaky sound.

 **SAM  
** What done did it sound like, Evan?

 **EVAN  
** Like this…whinin growl.

SAM n' DEAN exchange another look.

 **SAM  
** Thanks fo' yo' time.

CUT TO: INT.- Kugel’s Keg. Night. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is havin a funky-ass brew at a table, lookin at research. DEAN is nearby, throwin darts.

 **SAM  
** So, local five-o have now ruled up foul play fo' realz. Apparently, there be worse signz of a struggle.

 **DEAN  
** Well, they could be right, it could just be a kidnapping. Maybe dis isn’t our kind of gig.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, maybe not. Except fo' this- Dad marked tha area, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (DEAN comes ta tha table n' looks at they father’s journal.) Possible hustlin groundz of a phantom attacker.

 **DEAN  
** Why would he even do that?

 **SAM  
** Well, he found a shitload of local folklore on some thugged-out dark figure dat comes up at night. Grabs people, then vanishes yo. Dude found dis too- this county has mo' missin peeps per capita than anywhere else up in tha state.

 **DEAN  
** That is weird.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Don’t phantom attackers probably snatch playas from they beds, biatch? Jenkins was taken from a parkin lot.

 **SAM  
** Well, there be all kinds. Yo ass know, Springhill Jacks, phantom gassers. They take playas anywhere, anytime. Look, Dean, I don’t know if dis is our kind of gig either.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you’re right, we should ask round mo' tomorrow.

 **SAM  
** Right. (Dude takes up his wallet.) I saw a motel bout five milez back.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa, whoa, easy as fuck . Let’s have another round.

 **SAM  
** We should git a early start.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you straight-up know how tha fuck ta have fun, don’t you, Grandma, biatch? (SAM smiles.) Alright, I’ll hook up you outside, I gotta take a leak.

Dude grabs his coat n' headz ta tha bathroom. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM gathers his bangin research n' leaves.

CUT TO: EXT.- Kugel’s Keg. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is struttin back ta tha hoopty yo. Dude hears a noise n' stops yo. Dude places tha journal on tha hood of tha hoopty n' takes up a gangbangin' flashlight from his coat pocket yo. Dude turns it on n' looks around, then bendz down ta look under tha hoopty yo. Dude sees a cold-ass lil cat, which hisses at his ass then runs away.

 **SAM  
** Whoa!

Dude sees tha animal n' laughs at his dirty ass yo. Dude gets up, bobbin his head, then waits by tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da camera gives a view from under tha hoopty n' focuses on SAM’s Nikes.

CUT TO: Minutes later n' shit. DEAN comes outta tha bar n' strutts ta tha hoopty yo. Dude sees dat SAM is missin yo, but notices tha journal on tha hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! DEAN opens tha hoopty door n' checks ta peep if SAM is inside yo, but he isn’t there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Dude looks around, confused.

CUT TO: Later n' shiznit fo' realz. A crew of playas come outta tha bar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN strutts up ta a funky-ass biker n' his wild lil' freakadelic hoe, whoz ass is clearly faded.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, you muthafuckas been outside, round here up in tha last minute or so, biatch? (They shake they head n' strutt away.) Sam! (Dude looks round frantically.) Sammy dawwwwg! (Dude turns round n' notices a surveillizzle camera on top of a streetlight. DEAN strutts tha fuck into tha middle of tha deserted road n' looks around.) Sam.

 


	3. ACT TWO

FADE IN: Sheriff’s Department fo' realz. A deputy, KATHLEEN, is lookin at DEAN’s fake ID.

 **KATHLEEN  
** So, what tha fuck can our phat asses do fo' you, Officer Washington?

 **DEAN  
** I’m hustlin a missin peeps.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I didn’t know tha Jenkins case was bein covered by tha state police.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, no. Fuck dat shit, there’s one of mah thugs fo' realz. Actually, it’s mah cousin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Us thugs was havin’ all dem last night at dis bar down by tha highway fo' realz. And I haven’t peeped his ass since.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Do yo' cousin gotz a thugged-out drankin problem?

 **DEAN  
** Sam, biatch? Two brews n' he’s doin’ karaoke. (KATHLEEN smiles.) Fuck dat shit, da thug wasn’t faded yo. Dude was taken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

KATHLEEN nodz n' sits down at her computer n' shit. DEAN bigs up her n' sits also

 **KATHLEEN  
** Alright. What’s his name?

 **DEAN  
** Winchesta n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam Winchester.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Like tha rifle?

 **DEAN  
** Like tha rifle.

KATHLEEN types SAM’s name up in tha computa n' brangs up his thugged-out lil' five-o record. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch observes tha page, then clicks on DEAN’s link n' brangs up his bangin record.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Samuel Winchesta n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, you know dat his brother, Dean Winchester, took a dirt nap up in St. Louis fo' realz. And, uh, was suspected of cappin' n' shit.

DEAN tries ta look nonchalant.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Kind of tha black sheep of tha crew yo. Handsome, though.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Uh-huh. (Bitch types suttin' else n' brangs up mo' search thangs up in dis biatch on tha computer.) Well, he’s not showin up in any current field reports.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, I already gotz a lead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I saw a surveillizzle camera by tha highway.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Uh-huh. Da county traffic cam?

 **DEAN  
** Right. Yeah. I’m thankin tha camera picked up whatever took his muthafuckin ass. Or, whoever.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Well, I have access ta tha traffic cam footage down all up in tha county works department yo, but- well, anyhow, let’s do dis tha right way. (Bitch standz up n' gets some paperwork from a gangbangin' filin cabinet.) Why don’t you fill up a missin peeps report n' sit tight over here, biatch?

Bitch handz his ass a cold-ass lil clipboard.

 **DEAN  
** Officer, look, uh, he’s crew. I kind of- I kind of stay locked n' loaded fo' tha kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass gotta let me go wit you, biatch.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I’m sorry, I can’t do that.

 **DEAN  
** Well, tell me something. Yo crazy-ass county has its fair share of missin peeps fo' realz. Any of ‘em come back, biatch? (KATHLEEN looks sad.) Sam’s mah responsibilitizzle fo' realz. And he’s comin’ back. I’m brangin’ his ass back.

Bitch stares at his muthafuckin ass.

CUT TO: Unknown location. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM be asleep up in a cold-ass lil cage yo. Dude jerks awake n' observes his surroundings yo. Dude rattlez tha barz of tha cage yo. Dude looks round n' notices JENKINS asleep up in a cold-ass lil cage next ta his.

CUT TO: EXT.- County Works Department. DEAN is chillin on a funky-ass bench outside. KATHLEEN comes behind him, holdin printoutz of tha camera footage.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Greg. (Dude sees her n' standz up.) I be thinkin we’ve gots something. (Bitch handz his ass tha printouts n' he looks all up in dem wild-ass muthafuckas.) These traffic cams take a image every last muthafuckin three seconds, as part of tha Amber Alert program. These images was all taken round tha time dat yo' cousin, Sam, disappeared.

 **DEAN  
** This straight-up isn’t what tha fuck I’m lookin for.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Just wait, wait- next one. (Dude turns tha page n' sees a image of a rusty truck driving.) This one was taken right afta Sam left tha bar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Look all up in tha back end of dat thang. Now, peep tha plates.

DEAN turns another page n' sees a cold-ass lil close-up image of tha truck’s license plates.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, tha plates look new. It’s probably jacked.

 **KATHLEEN  
** So, whoever’s rollin dat rust bucket must be involved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

A beat-up van drives by. Its engine is whinin loudly.

 **DEAN  
** Hear dat engine?

 **KATHLEEN  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Kind of a whinin growl, isn’t it?

 **KATHLEEN  
** Sure.

DEAN stares all up in tha van as it drives away.

 **DEAN  
** (to his dirty ass) I’ll be damned.

CUT TO: Unknown location. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is tryin ta kick down tha door of his cage yo, but he fails. JENKINS groans n' wakes up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM rushes over ta rap ta his ass all up in tha barz of they cages.

 **SAM  
** You’re kickin dat shit, yo. (JENKINS groans again.) Yo, you aiiight?

 **JENKINS  
** Do it be lookin like I’m doin’ aiiight?

 **SAM  
** Where is we?

 **JENKINS  
** I don’t know. Da ghetto, I think. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Smells like tha ghetto.

 **SAM  
** You’re Alvin Jenkins, aren’t yo slick ass?

 **JENKINS  
** Yeah.

SAM sighs.

 **SAM  
** I was lookin’ fo' ya.

 **JENKINS  
** Oh, yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **JENKINS  
** Well, no offense yo, but dis be a piss-poor rescue.

 **SAM  
** Well, mah brother’s up there up in dis biatch, like a muthafucka yo. He’s lookin’ fo' us. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So-

 **JENKINS  
** So, he’s not gonna find us. We’re up in tha middle of nowhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. (Dude nodz towardz tha door leadin tha fuck into tha building.) Waitin fo' dem ta come back n' do God-knows-what ta us.

 **SAM  
** What is they, biatch? Has you done peeped them?

 **JENKINS  
** What is you poppin' off about?

 **SAM  
** Whatever’s gots us, what’d they look like?

 **JENKINS  
** See fo' yo ass. (Da door ta tha buildin opens n' two pimps bustin black coats n' basebizzle caps strutt in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. One playa strutts over ta JENKINS’ cage n' kicks tha side of dat shit. JENKINS moves back tha fuck into tha corner n' shit. Da other playa goes ta a panel of buttons attached ta a pole up in tha middle of tha room yo. Dude bangs a key tha fuck into tha panel n' twists dat shit. JENKINs’ cage unlocks. Da pimps enter.) Leave me alone biaaatch! Don’t you take me, leave me alone biaaatch!

Da pimps place a plate of chicken up in front of JENKINS. They leave tha cage n' strutt over ta tha panel. One of tha pimps twists tha key again n' again n' again n' removes it, which locks tha cage. They leave, n' JENKINS devours his chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch.

 **SAM  
** (to his dirty ass) I’ll be damned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They’re just people.

 **JENKINS  
** Yeah. What’d you expect?

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck often do they feed yo slick ass?

 **JENKINS  
** Once a thugged-out day. It make me wanna hollar playa! And they use dat thang over there ta open tha cage.

Dude points ta tha panel.

 **SAM  
** And that’s tha only time you peep ‘em?

 **JENKINS  
** So far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. But I’m waitin’.

 **SAM  
** Waitin’ fo' what?

 **JENKINS  
** Ned Beatty time, man.

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin that’s tha least of yo' worries n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

 **JENKINS  
** Oh, yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **JENKINS  
** What do you be thinkin they want, then, biatch?

SAM reaches all up in tha top of his cage n' grabs a long-ass metal wire stretchin from tha top of tha pole ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude tries ta pull it down.

 **SAM  
** Dependz on whoz ass they are.

 **JENKINS  
** They’re a funky-ass bunch of psycho hillbilly rednecks, if you ask mah dirty ass. Lookin’ fo' ludd up in all tha wack places.

SAM continues ta pull on tha wire. Well shiiiit, it gradually starts ta detach from tha pole.

CUT TO: INT. - Sheriff’s car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. KATHLEEN n' DEAN is driving.

 **KATHLEEN  
** (pointin ta a passin traffic camera) Okay, tha next traffic cam is fifty milez from here, n' tha pickup didn’t pass dat one, so….

 **DEAN  
** So, it must’ve pulled off somewhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I didn’t peep any other roadz here.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Well, a shitload of these backwoodz propertizzles have they own private roads.

 **DEAN  
** (annoyed) Great.

Dude stares up tha window. New shiznit comes up on KATHLEEN’s computer n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch clicks tha highlighted item n' brangs up a page bout DEAN’s fake ID. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch readz it n' looks concerned.

 **KATHLEEN  
** So, Gregory.

DEAN turns ta peep her muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah?

 **KATHLEEN  
** I ran yo' badge number n' shit. It’s routine when we’re hustlin a cold-ass lil case wit state police. For accountin purposes n' what tha fuck have you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Mmhmm.

 **KATHLEEN  
** And, uh, they just gots back ta mah dirty ass. (Bitch pulls tha hoopty over ta tha side of tha road.) It say here yo' badge was jacked. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (DEAN looks surprised.) And there’s a picture of you, biatch.

Bitch turns tha computa ta DEAN yo. Dude sees a picture of a heavy African-Gangsta man.

 **DEAN  
** I lost some weight. (Dude chuckles.) And I gots dat Mike Jackson skin disease.

KATHLEEN takes off her seatbelt.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Okay, would you step outta tha car, please?

 **DEAN  
** Look, look, look. (Bitch stops.) If you wanna arrest me, that’s fine. I’ll cooperate, I swear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. But, first, please- let me find Sam.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I don’t even know whoz ass yo ass is. Or if dis Sam thug is missing.

 **DEAN  
** Look tha fuck into mah eyes n' tell me if I’m lyin bout this.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Identitizzle theft, biatch? You’re impersonatin a fool.

 **DEAN  
** Look, here’s tha thang. When we was young, I pretty much pulled his ass from a gangbangin' fire fo' realz. And eva since then, I’ve felt responsible fo' his muthafuckin ass. Like it’s mah thang ta keep his ass safe. I’m just afraid if our phat asses don’t find his ass fast- please. (His voice breaks.) He’s mah crew.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I’m sorry bout dat bullshit. You’ve given me no chizzle. I gotta take you in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (Bitch glances at her visor yo. Her eye catches a photo of her n' another dude, smiling. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looks fucked up n' sighs.) Afta we find Sam Winchesta n' shit.

Bitch fastens her seatbelt. DEAN looks confused.

CUT TO: Unknown location. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is still tryin ta pull tha metal coil from tha beam.

 **JENKINS  
** What’s yo' name, again?

 **SAM  
** It’s Sam.

 **JENKINS  
** Why don’t you give it up, Sammy, there’s no way out.

 **SAM  
** Don’t….call me….Sammy dawwwwg!

Dude groans n' finally tears tha coil down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A lil' small-ass piece of metal falls on tha floor also.

 **JENKINS  
** What tha fuck iz it, biatch?

SAM picks it up n' looks at dat shit.

 **SAM  
** It’s a funky-ass bracket.

 **JENKINS  
** Well, give props ta God, a funky-ass bracket. Now we’ve gots ‘em, huh, biatch? (Suddenly, JENKINS’ cage unlocks itself n' opens.) Must’ve been short. (Dude climbs outta tha cage.) Maybe you knocked somethin’ loose.

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin you should git back up in there, Jenkins.

 **JENKINS  
** What?

 **SAM  
** This isn’t right.

 **JENKINS  
** Don’t you wanna git outta here?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. But dat was too easy as fuck .

 **JENKINS  
** Look, I’m gonna git outta here, n' I’m gonna bust help, aiiight, don’t worry.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, I’m straight-up n shit. Jenkins- this might be a trap.

 **JENKINS  
** Bye, Sammy.

Dude pushes open tha door n' leaves.

 **SAM  
** Jenkins muthafucka!

On tha other side of tha door, JENKINS is up in another room similar ta tha one he just left yo. Dude findz a exit n' leaves. In tha other room, JENKINS’ cage slams shut.

CUT TO: Outside. JENKINS is struttin round tha outside of a rundown crib yo. Dude findz a knife on tha ground n' picks it up yo. Dude looks up ta tha sky.

 **JENKINS  
** Nuff props, biatch.

Dude starts hustlin tha fuck into tha woods.

CUT TO: Woods. JENKINS continues struttin yo. Dude hears a noise n' raises his knife, then starts ta run up in tha rain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Before long, a playa up in camouflage jumps up in front of his ass n' knocks his ass down wit a long-ass knife. JENKINS falls ta tha ground yo, but sticks his own knife up in tha man’s leg. Da playa stumbles, allowin JENKINS ta git up n' run away. JENKINS reaches a cold-ass lil clearin yo. Dude looks around, lost. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, another camouflaged playa appears n' puts his knife all up in JENKINS’ leg, then removes dat shit. Da second camouflaged playa appears, n' they both point they knives at JENKINS, whoz ass is on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude be able ta git up n' run away. Da pimps peep his ass n' laugh. JENKINS keeps hustlin yo, but trips over a thin wire on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da pimps catch up ta his ass n' raise they knives.

CUT TO: Unknown location. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM can hear JENKINS screaming. Da screen goes black.

FADE IN: Street. DEAN n' KATHLEEN is struttin back ta tha car, holdin cupz of coffee.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, Officer, biatch? Look, I don’t mean ta press mah luck.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Yo crazy-ass luck is so pressed.

 **DEAN  
** Right. I was wondering- why is you helpin me out, anyway, biatch? Why don’t you just lock me up?

 **KATHLEEN  
** My fuckin brother, Riley, disappeared three muthafuckin years ago fo' realz. A lot like Sam. We searched fo' his ass yo, but- nothing. I know what tha fuck it’s like ta feel responsible fo' one of mah thugs, n' fo' them- Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Let’s keep at dat shit.

Bitch gets up in tha car.

CUT TO: Edge of tha forest. KATHLEEN n' DEAN is rollin by.

 **DEAN  
** (OS) Wait, wait, wait- pull over here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Pull over n' shit. (They pull over n' git outta tha car, then strutt towardz tha forest.) It’s tha straight-up original gangsta turn-off I’ve peeped so far.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Yo ass stay here, I’ll check it out.

 **DEAN  
** No way.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Hey. (They stop strutting.) You’re a cold-ass lil civilian. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And a gangbangin' felon, I think. I’m not takin you wit mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** You’re not goin’ without mah dirty ass.

KATHLEEN sighs.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Alright. Yo ass promise you won’t git involved, biatch? You’ll let me handle it?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I promise.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Shake on dat shit.

Bitch extendz her hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN shakes dat shit. While they is bobbin hands, KATHLEEN places a set of handcuffs on DEAN’s arm.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, come on.

CUT TO: Car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. KATHLEEN handcuffs DEAN ta tha door handle n' starts struttin away.

 **DEAN  
** This is ridiculous. Kathleen, I straight-up be thinkin you’re gonna need mah help.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I’ll manage. Nuff props, biatch.

Bitch locks tha door n' strutts away.

 **DEAN  
** I gotta start carryin paper clips.

CUT TO: Road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! KATHLEEN is strutting. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch passes a rundown barn, along wit nuff muthafuckin wagon wheels strewn along tha grass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch strutts further n' sees a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dilapidated house. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch make her way ta tha front porch n' climbs up tha stairs.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Hello, biatch? Anybody home, biatch? (Bitch knocks on tha door fo' realz. A lil' girl, MISSY, comes outside, covered up in dirt n' filth. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is unwashed n' has long, uncombed hair.) Yo! Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass, biatch?

Da hoe comes closer n' examines KATHLEEN’s badge.

 **MISSY  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?

 **KATHLEEN  
** I’m, uh, I’m Kathleen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I’m a thugged-out deputy. What’s yo' name?

 **MISSY  
** Missy.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Missy. That’s a pimpin' name. Missy, is yo' momma home?

 **MISSY  
** She’s dead as fuckin fried chicken.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I’m sorry bout dat bullshit. What bout yo' dad, biatch? (MISSY shakes her head.) No, biatch? Can I come up in fo' a minute, biatch? (MISSY shakes her head again n' again n' again n' starts movin towardz tha door.) I just want you ta peep a picture. (Bitch takes a picture of SAM from her coat pocket n' shows it ta MISSY.) Has you done peeped dat muthafucka, biatch? Look at dat picture. (MISSY looks up n' sees suttin' behind KATHLEEN. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch smilez wickedly.) What?

 **MISSY  
** That’s gonna hurt.

KATHLEEN turns round n' sees a tall, equally unwashed dude, PA BENDER, standin beside her n' shiznit yo. Dude hits her up in tha head wit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shovel, n' she falls ta tha ground, unconscious.

 **PA  
** Missy, dopeheart, go rap r brothers I wanna peep ‘em.

 **MISSY  
** Yes, Daddy.

Bitch strutts away.

CUT TO: Car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN is lookin round fo' suttin' ta unlock tha handcuffs yo. Dude finally notices tha antenna of tha hoopty n' reaches fo' it yo, but he is too far away yo. Dude hears tha screech of tha pickup truck.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch.

Dude stretches further.

CUT TO: Woods. Da pickup truck is driving.

CUT TO: Car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN is still reachin fo' tha antenna.

CUT TO: Woods. JARED n' LEE BENDER unlock a gate n' start strutting.

CUT TO: Car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN finally grabs tha antenna n' begins ta unscrew dat shit.

CUT TO: Woods. JARED n' LEE is still strutting.

CUT TO: Car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da antenna comes loose n' falls ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN picks it up n' begins unlockin tha handcuffs. JARED n' LEE reach a cold-ass lil clearin n' peep tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They laugh. Da camera pans ta tha side of tha hoopty yo, but DEAN is gone.

 **LEE  
** Well, I’ve never peeped his ass so mad salty before.

 **JARED  
** Well, Lee, never been followed by tha five-o before.

LEE, whoz ass now has KATHLEEN’s keys, unlocks tha hoopty door n' gets in.

CUT TO: Barn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. KATHLEEN is up in a cold-ass lil cage. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is bustin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty white T-shirt, n' her afro is down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch wakes up n' groans, massagin her head.

 **SAM  
** (OS) Yo ass aiiiight?

 **KATHLEEN  
** Is you Sam Winchester?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Your, uh, yo' cousin’s lookin fo' you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** (relieved) Thank Dogg. Where is he?

 **KATHLEEN  
** I, uh- I cuffed his ass ta mah car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

SAM sighs. Da door opens n' DEAN entas yo, but KATHLEEN n' SAM do not know it is his muthafuckin ass. DEAN observes tha barn, disgusted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Dude sees SAM up in his cage.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, biatch? (SAM smiles.) Is you hurt?

 **SAM  
** No.

 **DEAN  
** Damn, it’s phat ta peep you, biatch.

 **KATHLEEN  
** How tha fuck did you git outta tha cuffs, biatch? (DEAN turns round n' sees her muthafuckin ass.)

 **DEAN  
** Oh, I know a trick or two. (Bitch stares at him, confused.) Alright. (Dude moves ta tha door of tha cage n' sees tha locks.) Oh, these locks be lookin like they’re gonna be a funky-ass biiiatch.

 **SAM  
** Well, there’s some kind of automatic control right there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

Dude points ta tha control panel.

 **DEAN  
** Has you done peeped ‘em?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Dude, they’re just people.

 **DEAN  
** And they jumped yo slick ass, biatch? Must be gettin’ a lil rusty there, kiddo. (Dude strutts over ta tha control panel n' starts tryin different buttons.) What do they want?

 **SAM  
** I don’t know. They let Jenkins go yo, but dat was some sort of trap. Well shiiiit, it don’t make any sense ta mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Well, that’s tha point. Yo ass know, wit our usual playmates, there’s rules, there’s patterns. But wit people, they’re just crazy.

 **SAM  
** See anythang else up there?

 **DEAN  
** Uh, dat schmoooove muthafucka has on some thugged-out dozen junked rides hidden up back. Plates from all over, so I’m thinkin’ when they take one of mah thugs, they take they car, like a muthafucka.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Did yo dirty ass peep a funky-ass black Mustang up there, biatch? Bout ten muthafuckin years old?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, actually, I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (Bitch looks sad.) Yo crazy-ass brother’s, biatch? (Bitch nods.) I’m sorry bout dat bullshit. (Dude pauses.) Let’s git you muthafuckas outta here, then we’ll take care of dem bastards. (Dude points ta tha control panel.) This thang takes a key. Key?

 **SAM  
** I don’t know.

 **DEAN  
** Alright, I betta go find dat shit.

Dude goes ta muthafuckin bounce.

 **SAM  
** Hey. (DEAN stops n' turns around.) Be careful.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

Dude leaves.

CUT TO: INT.- House. DEAN is up in another dark room yo. Dude turns on his wild lil' flashlight n' starts ta look around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da room is filled wit shelvez of jars n' bottles, which contain various body parts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. DEAN looks at a cold-ass lil container filled wit a unrecognizable item.

 **DEAN  
** Yikes. (Dude keeps searchin tha room n' comes across a wall full of Polarizzle pictures. Each photo shows JARED n' LEE standin next ta a thugged-out dead body yo. Dude notices a picture of dem holdin JENKINS’ corpse.) I’ll say it again- demons I get. Muthafuckas is crazy.

Dude moves ta a gangbangin' flight of stairs n' climbs dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

CUT TO: Upstairs. PA BENDER is up in tha kitchen yo, butcherin something. DEAN comes upstairs n' looks round tha livin room fo' realz. A record is playin up in tha background. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN bumps tha fuck into a windchime.

 **DEAN  
** What tha-

Da windchime is made of bones.

DEAN sees a wooden pole leanin against tha wall n' picks it up yo. Dude leans against tha wall n' make his way toward tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude notices a lil' small-ass tray filled wit keys, on a nearby table. DEAN takes a peak inside tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. PA turns round ta pick up another tool, n' DEAN turns away yo. Dude moves towardz tha tray of keys, n' starts ta pick it up when he notices a jar full of teeth yo. Dude examines it, disgusted, then hears tha floor creak behind his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude sets tha jar down n' turns round doggystyle. MISSY is standin before his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Shh. It’s all gravy. I’m not gonna hurt you, biatch.

Bitch holdz up a knife.

 **MISSY  
** I know. (Bitch sticks tha knife tha fuck into DEAN’s jacket, pinnin his ass against tha wall.) Daddy!

 **DEAN  
** Jeez!

 **MISSY  
** Daddy dawwwwg! (DEAN removes tha knife. JARED n' LEE come downstairs.) Daddy dawwwwg!

JARED grabs DEAN under his thugged-out arms. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. LEE strutts towardz dem yo, but DEAN jumps up n' kicks his muthafuckin ass. JARED throws DEAN tha fuck into tha wall, causin tha knife ta fall ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. LEE runs towardz DEAN yo, but DEAN grabs his ass first n' pushes his ass ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude then punches JARED yo, but is thrown tha fuck into tha wall again n' again n' again by LEE fo' realz. All three of dem stand up.

 **DEAN  
** (pointin ta JARED) I’m gonna kick yo' ass first. (Dude points ta LEE.) Then yours.

PA comes up behind DEAN n' hits his ass over tha head wit a pan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN falls ta tha floor, unconscious.


	4. ACT THREE

FADE IN: Livin room. Da Bendaz is crowded round DEAN, whoz ass is chillin up in a cold-ass lil chair, wit his handz tied behind his back yo. Dude wakes up, groaning.

 **LEE  
** (to PA) Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Let our asses hunt his muthafuckin ass.

 **JARED  
** Yeah, dis one’s a gangbangin' fighter n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sheezy would be funk ta hunt.

PA laughs.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, you gotta be kiddin’ mah dirty ass. That’s what tha fuck dis be about, biatch? Yo ass -- you yahoos hunt people?

 **PA  
** Yo ass eva capped before?

 **DEAN  
** Wh-- (laughs) Well, dat dependz on what tha fuck you mean.

 **PA  
** I’ve hunted all mah game. Just like mah father, his before his muthafuckin ass. I’ve hunted deer n' bear- I even gots a cold-ass lil cougar once. Oh boy. But tha dopest hunt is human. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Oh, there’s nothin’ like it yo. Holdin’ they game up in yo' hands. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seein’ tha fear up in they eyes just before they go dark. Makes you feel bangin kickin it.

 **DEAN  
** You’re a sick puppy.

 **PA  
** We give ‘em a weapon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Give ‘em a gangbangin' fightin’ chance. It’s kind of like our tradizzle passed down, daddy ta son. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Of course, only one or two a year. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Never enough ta brang tha law down, we never been dat sloppy.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well, don’t push yo ass short. You’re fuckloadz sloppy.

 **PA  
** So, what, you wit dat pretty cop, biatch? (MISSY looks up at her brutha wit a smile.) Is you a cold-ass lil cop?

 **DEAN  
** If I rap , you promise not ta make me tha fuck into a ashtray, biatch?

PA looks mad salty. LEE strutts over n' punches DEAN.

 **PA  
** Only reason I don’t let mah thugs take you right here n' now is dat there’s somethin’ I need ta know.

Dude strutts ta tha fireplace n' takes a funky-ass bangin' poker.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, how tha fuck ‘bout it’s not sick ta bone yo' sister?

 **PA  
** Tell me- any of tha cops gonna come lookin’ fo' yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** Oh, smoke mah dirty ass. Fuck dat shit, no, no, wait, wait, wait- you straight-up might.

JARED strutts over ta DEAN n' holdz his head up in place.

 **PA  
** Yo ass be thinkin dis is funky, biatch? Yo ass brought dis down on mah crew fo' realz. Alright, you wanna play games, biatch? We’ll play some games. Looks like we’re gonna gotz a hunt tonight afta all, thugs. (to DEAN) And you git ta pick tha animal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Da pimp or tha cop?

 **DEAN  
** Okay, wait, wait- look, no muthafucka’s comin’ fo' me, aiiiight, biatch? It’s just us.

 **PA  
** Yo ass don’t chizzle, I will.

Dude places tha bangin' poker on DEAN’s shirt. DEAN screams up in pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. PA removes tha poker.

 **DEAN  
** Ah, you lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch!

PA places tha poker barely a inch from DEAN’s eye.

 **PA  
** Next time, I’ll take a eye.

 **DEAN  
** Alright, tha muthafucka, tha muthafucka! Take tha muthafucka!

JARED lets go of DEAN’s head, n' PA moves tha poker n' shiznit yo. Dude takes a key from round his neck n' handz it ta LEE.

 **PA  
** Lee, go do dat shit. Don’t let his ass out, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shoot his ass up in tha cage. (LEE strutts ta tha door.)

 **DEAN  
** What, biatch? I thought you holla'd you was gonna hunt his muthafuckin ass. Yo ass was gonna give his ass a cold-ass lil chance.

 **PA  
** Lee, when you’re done wit tha boy- shoot tha biiiatch, like a muthafucka. (LEE nodz n' leaves, wit his bangin rifle.) Betta clean dis mess up before any mo' cops come runnin’ up here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

DEAN looks trippin like a muthafucka.

CUT TO: Barn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. LEE entas n' strutts over ta tha control panel yo. Dude bangs tha key n' twists dat shit.

 **SAM  
** What is you bustin, biatch?

Da door ta his cage unlocks n' LEE strutts towardz his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM notices tha bracket on tha floor n' grabs dat shit. LEE opens tha cage door n' aims his wild lil' freakadelic gun.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Hey!

CUT TO: Livin Room. DEAN n' tha three Bendaz can hear a gunshot.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass hurt mah brother, I’ll bust a cap up in you, I swear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I’ll bust a cap up in y'all. I'ma bust a cap up in you all!

PA standz up n' strutts towardz tha open front door.

 **PA  
** Lee!

CUT TO: Barn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' LEE is both outta tha cage. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is on top of LEE yo. Dude grabs tha glock n' hits LEE up in tha grill wit it three times. LEE collapses on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM tries ta fire tha glock yo, but it do not work.

 **SAM  
** Damn.

CUT TO: Livin Room.

 **PA  
** Lee biaaatch! (LEE do not respond. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! PA turns ta tha other three.) Jared, you come wit mah dirty ass. Missy, you peep his ass now, nahmeean, biatch?

JARED grabs two rifles, handz one ta PA, n' they both muthafuckin bounce. MISSY remains next ta DEAN, holdin a knife dangerously close ta his wild lil' fuckin eye.

CUT TO: Barn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. LEE n' JARED enter, glocks raised, n' look around.

 **PA  
** Lee biaaatch! Where is ya, biatch? Lee biaaatch! (They find LEE unconscious, locked up in SAM’s cage.) Damn it, Jared, git tha lights muthafucka!

JARED moves over ta tha light switch n' pushes it up. Da barn remains dark.

 **JARED  
** They must have blown tha fuses. (PA tries tha control panel yo, but it is broken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They move tha fuck into another room of tha barn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM hides behind a funky-ass bale of hay. LEE n' JARED hear a noise. JARED looks round up in one area of tha room, while PA climbs a ladder leadin ta a funky-ass balcony. KATHLEEN moves ta a cold-ass lil cabinet, unseen, n' opens it yo, but dat freaky freaky biatch hears a noise n' stops. JARED also hears somethang yo. Dude strutts ta tha cabinet n' standz ta grill it yo. Dude fires his bangin rifle nuff muthafuckin times all up in tha doors yo, but KATHLEEN do not come out. JARED opens tha cabinet yo, but findz not a god damn thang inside but tools yo. Dude looks round tha barn, when, suddenly KATHLEEN falls on top of his back. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch wraps her arms round his neck n' wrestlez wit him, before bein knocked ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Meanwhile, PA is chasin afta SAM yo. Dude fires his bangin rifle twice yo, but SAM escapes. While KATHLEEN is on tha ground, JARED aims his wild lil' freakadelic glock at her muthafuckin ass.) Yo ass wack biiiatch.

Dude gets locked n loaded ta blast her yo, but SAM enters.

 **SAM  
** Yo dawwwwg!

JARED turns round n' sees SAM yo. Dude fires tha glock yo, but SAM runs away ta dodge it fo' realz. At tha same moment, PA strutts up in behind SAM n' gets hit wit tha cap instead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude falls ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! JARED cocks tha glock n' turns around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM appears behind his ass n' grabs tha gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude hits JARED up in tha grill wit tha rifle nuff muthafuckin times, n' JARED collapses, unconscious. Da screen goes black.

FADE IN: Barn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM places JARED up in KATHLEEN’s cage n' closes tha door yo. Dude strutts ta tha control panel n' locks tha cage yo. Dude make his way over ta KATHLEEN, whoz ass is standin over PA, wit her glock raised.

 **KATHLEEN  
** I’ll peep dis one. Yo ass go ahead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (SAM stares at her, motionless.) Go ahead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

SAM leaves.

 **PA  
** Yo ass hurt mah crew, I’m gonna bleed you, biiiatch.

 **KATHLEEN  
** (tearfully) Yo ass capped mah brother.

 **PA  
** Yo crazy-ass brother, biatch? (Dude laughs wackly.) Now I see.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Just tell me why.

PA smiles.

 **PA  
** Because it’s fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

Dude cackles. KATHLEEN looks at him, horrified, n' fires tha gun.


	5. ACT FOUR

CUT TO: EXT.- House. DEAN n' SAM strutt up tha front door n' down tha porch steps. They hook up wit KATHLEEN, whoz ass is leavin tha barn.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Where’s tha girl?

 **DEAN  
** Locked her up in a cold-ass lil closet. What bout tha dad, biatch?

Bitch pauses.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Shot. Tryin ta escape.

All three of dem exchange a look.

CUT TO: EXT.- House. Later n' shit. DEAN, SAM, n' KATHLEEN is leaving.

 **DEAN  
** I be thinkin tha car’s all up in tha five-o station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

KATHLEEN is listenin ta a biatch on her struttie-talkie.

 **WOMAN  
** Backup unit en route ta yo' location. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

KATHLEEN approaches SAM n' DEAN.

 **KATHLEEN  
** So, state five-o n' tha STD is gonna be here within tha hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They’re gonna wanna rap ta you, biatch. I suggest dat you’re both long gone by then.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks. Yo, listen, I don’t mean ta press our luck yo, but we’re kind of up in tha middle of nowhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Think we could catch a ride?

 **KATHLEEN  
** Start strutting. Duck if you peep a squad car.

 **SAM  
** Soundz pimped out ta mah dirty ass. Thanks.

 **DEAN  
** Listen, uh….I’m sorry bout yo' brother.

 **KATHLEEN  
** Nuff props, biatch. (Bitch begins ta tear up.) Dat shiznit was straight-up hard not knowin what tha fuck happened ta his muthafuckin ass.. n' you KNOWS it would be easier once I knew tha real deal- but it isn’t straight-up. (Bitch pauses.) Anyway, you should go.

SAM n' DEAN nod n' strutt away. KATHLEEN watches dem leave, close ta tears.

CUT TO: Road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM n' DEAN is strutting.

 **DEAN  
** Never do dat again.

 **SAM  
** Do what?

 **DEAN  
** Go missin’ like dis shit.

SAM laughs.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass was worried bout mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** All I’m sayin’ is, you vanish like dat again, I’m not lookin’ fo' ya.

 **SAM  
** Sure, you won’t.

 **DEAN  
** I’m not.

SAM chuckles.

 **SAM  
** So, you gots sidelined by a thirteen-year-old girl, huh?

 **DEAN  
** Oh, shut tha fuck up.

 **SAM  
** Just sayin’, gettin’ rusty there, kiddo.

 **DEAN  
** (chuckling) Shut up.

SAM laughs. They continue struttin as tha screen fades ta black.


End file.
